


Carry You

by TheVoidless



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Explicit Language, Gore, Growing Up Together, Homophobic Language, Implied Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Love/Hate, M/M, Red Army, Unhealthy Relationships, War, also not that much gore but I figured I might as well warn y'all, basically I'm taking sociology and now I'm analyzing Tord and Tom, green resistance, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-14 04:36:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18045608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVoidless/pseuds/TheVoidless
Summary: You loved him, didn’t you?You still do.-A (sort of) retrospective narrative of Tom and Tord's relationship while the Red Army basically takes over the world.-





	Carry You

Inhale one, two. 

Exhale three.

Inhale step right, left. 

Exhale right. 

Concentrate on the numbers. Count your feet as they land on the dirt, and don’t breathe out on the same foot. Ignore the burning ache inside your chest, ignore the thumping of your heart as it pounds into your ribcage like a woodpecker. Don’t mind the whiz of bullets as they cut through air, or as the wind pushes towards you, making every single step forward agony. Don’t listen to the screaming and the moans of your soldiers dying behind you or the deafening booms of the enemy cannons and the following explosions that shake your bones. 

“Fuck,” you crack above a whisper, dry throat clawing at the back of your mouth.

You want to shout at the top of your lungs to release the pain. When you pause to take a breath, the dust in the air catches in your throat and you choke. You keep going.

Your arms weigh tons. They’re tense and cramped in the position they’ve been forced to stay, the pull of muscle tearing at every slight movement. Tom lay on top of them, your one hand supporting his back and the other scooping underneath bleeding legs. The slow spurts of blood that escaped him were to the rhythm of his heart that rumbled into your own. His breathing was strangled, huffed out in irregular puffs.

-  
_  
Tom coughed as he lay on the woodchips of the playground. His arm came down in an attempt to lift himself up. His attention was too focused on catching his breath and he fell back down._

_You watched him from just two feet away, looking on as his eyes searched yours, asking for help. You did nothing, standing before him and seeing him crumble before you, mouth agape._

_It wasn’t until you heard him inhale a large breath of air since his fall off the monkey bars that your body moved instinctively. You held out an arm for him to grab, and he blinked a few times until he met it with a firm grip._

_You pulled him up easily, his boyish body light, “What even happened?”_

_“My hand slipped,” Tom says, looking down. Embarrassed red cheeks are turned away from you. The kids around you didn’t seem to notice his fall. Something in your chest warmed. You were the only one who did._

_“It’s okay,” you say flippantly. “No one even saw you.”_

_“Really?” He asks, uncertain, facing you now. The heat increases, blossoming from your sternum._

_“Yeah, dude.” You point to the asphalt, “Let’s go play foursquare. I think I saw Edd and Matt over there, too.”_

_Tom clearly hadn’t even recovered from his recent shock- his black eyes were still blown and his torso swelled in and out quickly. But that warmth had spread into your head. You wanted him to keep going, see how far you could push him until he broke completely. At what point was he going to sacrifice his pride to take a breath?_

_You grinned easily, and he did too, following you onto the burning asphalt._

_(Maybe he’d understand, then. Once he let go of all his dignity, and you’d see him groveling and sobbing at your feet, would he know what it was like to be you.)_  
  
-

You finally find a decent place to rest. With burning arms, you carefully set Tom’s limp form down and set him up in the recovery position. You manage to tear off the end of your uniform, quickly wrapping it around the hole in his leg. The blood immediately seeps into the red fabric, a deeper color now than it began. You had been applying pressure to it as you held him against you, but clearly it only did so much.

He was lucky the bullet didn’t hit an artery. You didn’t have any time to spare when you found him, face-down in the dirt, an arm desperately reaching for his gun. You found yourself dragging him back from the battle in an attempt to save him from the next shot. As your army advanced, you realized you had to take him further away.

And now you crouched next to him, letting your arms dangle from your sides to rest. You take some time to recover as well, nearly allowing yourself to collapse beside him. You catch yourself from falling over. Once. Twice. Eyelids droop as you observe the way Tom breathed. Late nights of explosions and planning took a toll on you.

You decide it was time to get up and assist your men when your body droops helplessly to the dirt, and a black screen slides over your vision.

_“Fight me,” you say, putting your fists up in the air. You stood in your front yard with Tom from the walk back from school._

_Tom snorted, “Whatever,” and continued to his own home._

_“My dad showed me a lot of cool moves,” you offer to his back, mimicking the boxers you saw on your television, pumping fists forward. “Don’t you wanna see?”_

_Tom stops and looks at you, “What? No.”_

_“All the other kids do it,”_

_“Who?”_

_“Edd and Eduardo got into a fight just last week. Remember?”_

_“That doesn’t count.” As he continues talking, you edge closer to where he stood. “They were arguing over something.”_

_“So?”_

_“We’re not arguing,” Tom looked nervous. “So we won’t fight,”_

_You stood a few inches taller than him, and you end up standing a foot from him before he takes a step back. “C’mon,” you mock. “Don’t you wanna be a real man? Fight me.”_

_Tom narrows his eyes, “Stop it, Tord.”_

_A flash of anger passes you. All the pent up emotions you’ve felt about him bubble up to the surface one by one._

_(Jealousy that’s he’s closer to Edd than you’ll ever be. Anger that you actually enjoyed being next to him, like one of those gay people your father warned you about. “Disgusting,” he told you. “I’m glad you got that part right, at least.”_

_Your father. A big man with bigger expectations for you. You were too skinny, too weak, not smart enough, didn’t hang out with the right kids. He hated Tom. And it made you hate him too._

_Perfect little bitch with his perfect little mom and perfect fucking grades. He was sad he didn’t have a father anymore, but you wish you didn’t. He cried black tears while you hid scars that stretched down your back.)_

_You punch him._  
  
-

You wake up.

Your head pounds viciously, but the small amount of rest you had already gave you a bit more strength. You pick yourself up, shielding your eyes from a dusty breeze when you realize you’re alone.

Tom is gone. 

You stretch a bit as you look for a blood trail that would’ve marked his escape. Nothing. You wouldn’t be able to track footprints, either. The wind was too efficient in blowing away the imprints on the ground.

You begin to extend your legs when you notice clean bandages wrapped around a cut in your calf. You had only been able to quickly slap some gauze on it when you were first injured, but now they were white and red-free.

A smiley face is scribbled on the front of the bandages, in bright green marker.

-

_“Hey Tord,” Edd said, coming up to you with a solemn face. Your last period, history, just ended, one that you and he shared. “Can we talk?”_

_“Sure,” you say easily, flipping up your feet on the desk in front of you as the last kids of the class left. “What about?”_

_“It’s Tom,” Edd says, a frown deepening on his face._

_Your heart stops, and you clear your throat before you trust yourself to speak. “What about him?”_

_“Dude,” he looks disappointed now. Did he expect you to acknowledge it? Wanted to hear you accept what you’ve done? An uncertain weight drops into your stomach. “What’s going on between you two? I thought we were all good friends.”_

_“Good friends?” you lose it. You snap back quickly, too quickly, because Edd’s surprised and he’s flinching back from you. You feel sick. “Tom’s a fucking bitch, Edd. Haven’t you noticed by now? Why am I the only one who’s seeing this? Why are you still friends with him?”_

_“Tord,” he starts, but you’ve already crossed a line, and you’ll just have to keep going with it. “Matt and I think you’re the one who spread the rumors about how he might be-”_

_“He’s a piece of shit, Edd, you should know better than to hang out with him-”_

_“Enough,” he looks at you hard, and an intense moment passes between you. You unconsciously grip at the edge of your hard, plastic seat. Your abdomen tenses in preparation for a fight. One, two, three. Breathe in. Four, five, six. Breathe out. He softens his voice and you relax a bit, “Why are you doing all of these things? Did Tom do something to you?”_

_“If there was anything that made me act this way,” you say, getting up and packing your school bag. “It was all him.”_

_(You lied with perfect white teeth as the growing urge to scream and cry and sink into the earth pounded in your skull. You knew it wasn’t true, you knew it was more than that, that he was a reminder of everything you were and everything you were meant to hate. You hated him more now that Edd was involved. Edd, your very first friend, the first who actually saw you as you truly were. Now Edd would see how fucked up you really were, and he would move on and find better friends and better people and you would be left to rot in the dirt.)_  
  
-

The mission is successful. You change your bandages the moment you can replace them, tearing off the fabric that became a little too attached to skin. You throw it away.

“Just another month, sir,” Pat says to you as you pack up with your men. “It’s only a matter of time until they have nothing left. The world supports Red Leader fully.”

“Yeah,” you can’t force out much more than that, the joy of accomplishment diminished by a dense fog of uncertainty. The remainder of the Green Resistance would either fight to the death, surrender, or attempt escape. You knew them too well to know Edd wasn’t backing down. You knew he wanted to be a martyr for his everlasting cause. You couldn’t let it happen.

The date for your last mission is set. You slept restlessly after that, tossing uncomfortably from side to side. Blankets would end up twisted at the foot of the mattress, and soon you’d give up, and let the air chill your skin. You wouldn’t know when, but once white noise faded back, unwanted memories would spill into your dreams.

_“You’re kidding me,” you say with clenched teeth. “Tom’s here?”_

_“I know you guys weren’t on the best of terms in high school,” Edd starts. “But we’re past that! This is our clean, brand new start!”_

_“Edd,” you grunt a little too harshly, stringing him over to the side of the new house. “I can’t do this.”_

_“We’ve already signed the lease,” he says, a mischievous smirk hovering on his lips. “You’ll be fine.”_

_You weren’t fine. “Does Tom know?”_

_Edd studied you for a second, passing between both your sharp silver eyes. Gently, he says, “Of course.”_

_“Was he… okay with that?” You match his tone._

_The man in green makes a face, and after a brief pause, “I guess so.”_

_You’re about to muster up the courage to enter when Edd interrupts you, “Are you gonna be okay?”_

_“I’ll manage.”_

_You find Tom sprawled over the couch. Apparently the other three moved in a few days ago. You didn’t even meet his dark eyes when they looked up, when they searched for yours. You carry your luggage in with Edd’s help,_

_(You can’t decide the reason you hated that Tom was here. Was it because you had been denying his existence since you graduated? That you had been pushing him away just to find him here? Or that you were scared. Scared that he’d be caught up in what you were planning. Afraid he’d get hurt when the time came.)_  
  
-

Today was the day. World domination is at the palm of your hands.

“It’s quite simple,” you run over the plan with Pau once more. To calm your nerves? To make sure it runs smoothly? Your gut is clenched unnaturally, “You and the men will escort me to the base. Edd will not be killed at all costs, understood? Even if he is to commit suicide, save him.”

You’d prefer to see Matt flee. You don’t know what to expect of Tom.

“And you’re sure we’ll only need-”

“Yes. Only a small portion of us is necessary. Most of the Green Resistance has been run out.”

Pau nods, and relays the information. Your men gather quickly.

You hop into your designated car with Pat and Pau, getting comfortable as you can in worn out leather seats.The engine starts with a splurt of noise, a screech in your ears that you’ve grown far too accustomed to. You admire the stars that swept the darkness as you passed underneath them. You could even ignore the jaggedness of the ride and the rolling of your stomach, if only to dive into those familiar dots in the sky.

-

_“This is really pretty,” Tom says. He’s laying down on the grass, and you follow suit quickly. Both of you met here often, on the hill that rests just behind your homes. This was the beginning._

_“Yeah,” you agree. “Do you know the constellations?”_

_Tom giggles, “What’s that?”_

_“I’ll show you.”_

_You spent the rest of that night sighing underneath that atmospheric blanket, letting it wrap around the both of you in its maternal embrace. You felt so content there, listening to the harmonic call of crickets chirping, and the sweet melody of his voice. He laughed with you until you were done and all was left was the silence._

_“I’m so glad I met you,” he whispered, just above his breath, barely in reach of your ears as you strained to hear them. You hardly process what he says when the moment passes to respond._

_(This was the place where he cried and confessed to you, and with comforting arms you held him until dawn. It scared you, scared you of how much you hated yourself when you were next to him, how much you feared to be caught with him, how much you really admired and cared about him, how much you wanted to reply with a genuine, “I am too.”_

_You loved him, didn’t you?_

_You still do.)  
_


End file.
